I live in Springfield Missouri, a town that a recent survey listed as the 5th most bible conscious city in the United States. It’s not surprising, because when you Google how many churches are in this town it comes up with 489 listings. There are at least six churches that I know of that are on the road that runs past my boyfriends house.
It’s not surprising then that I am not very vocal about my views. I mean, sure, the majority of my posts are a mix of science, fashion, and extreme atheism, but I go to church almost every Sunday, and it’s a direct result of where I live.
Often when I’m at church I hear leaders say, “don’t be afraid to be a christian,” but they have honestly nothing to be afraid. In fact the small suburb I grew up in not only regularly had Christian Assemblies, it also suffered from severe racism, often caused by those who were apart of FCA. Before graduation, they held a religious ceremony for seniors, and though it was optional it was purely Christian.
In my own home Atheist is a dirty word. Being a non-believer is not only illogical, it is pure evil. It’s the worst environment for a skeptic, and has caused so much guilt.
It’s easy to see why. Psalms 14:1 says: The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Revelation 21:8 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
While calling an Atheist a fool is hypocritical (Matthew 5:22), it’s easy to see why becoming an atheist is so difficult. I went to a Christian preschool. Since that time, I was preached the same thing. Atheism is bad, they have no morals, you will burn in hell. It was terrible, and when I had doubt I would punish myself to no end, because it was wrong. My mother would chastise me to know end for my interest in science. She would tell me not to talk about scientific theories. “People around here don’t like things like that. It makes you look weird and snobbish. No one will like you.” On top of that imagine being told anything you accomplished was never because you actually worked for it, it was only because of god. If something bad happened to you, well god was teaching you a lesson.
I battled for years with whether or not I was actually a terrible person, or someone just growing up in a terrible society. When I found out my parents would disown me if I ever actually gave up my faith, I realized it really was society. I have never actually come out to my mother and step-father, but my father does know.
Since opening the door on my isolation I have began to meet others who share the conditions I live in. Those who can’t share their own personal truth, unless the wish to face the wraith of those who believe they are evil. I have also lost a lot too. I lost lifelong friends who could not look past a simple belief.
I laugh when I hear theists complain about there rights being trampled on. While I will not deny those who are persecuted in other countries, those I live with will never know what it’s like to say they are going to work, when really they are going to a convention to meet other atheists. They don’t know what it’s like to be told they can’t be an American citizen or person of political power because of their religion. They don’t know what it’s like to loose the people you care about. Even though I want every right they do, I hope they will never really know what it’s like to be persecuted.
As always keep on questioning.
Love,
Liana
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